“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month”. ~ Theodore Roosevelt
A few weeks ago, I realised, that I had not forgotten to take my access card in to work even once in all the time I have been at my current workplace. Of course, the next day, I did forget, or so I thought, to take it in to work. It had actually slipped out of my hand bag under the car seat, but I did not know that until I had gone around all day sheepishly wearing a temporary visitor pass.
Last night, I was on my way to a meet up with some friends, and I thought of how, in the two and a bit years that I have had my beloved VW, I had not put a scratch on it. And sure enough, I scratched it slightly under the left bumper as I tried to park it.
Then, there is the big whammy. After a long time, I nearly lost myself in a huge eruption of anger last week. Only a couple of days after bragging about the beneficial effects of yoga on me, I nearly hit the roof. Bystanders tell me that though I was angry, I did state my case succinctly, and in a level manner, but inside I was boiling. The other person not giving up and trying to continue the fruitless conversation did nothing to help my cause (of maintaining my balance of temper). Since that day I have been rebuking myself for not handling the situation better. Possibly, I am not currently able to sit down, because I did kick myself in the pants a number of times.
Desperately needing to to calm myself down, as well as continue on my journey, I have been repeating the Ho’oponopono: “I’m sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. Thank you.” After three days of so doing, I am now in a position to accept that I handled the situation very badly to begin with. Had I not had such a strong desire to prove myself right, and hence superior, I would not have said certain things. They were not necessary to say, and hence absolutely necessary not to say. My ego would have moved on very quickly to other things, but having said a number of things that did nothing to better the cause they were said in aid of, and momentarily satisfied my ego, I had to then justify myself when faced with the other person’s very strong reaction. This has then been followed by three days of meditating and berating myself. The meditating has been good, but the berating could have been completely avoided.
I now wish that when I next face this person, which will be very soon, I can maintain my newfound understanding, and behave in a manner worthy of love.
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