A Kick in The Pants

“If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month”. ~ Theodore Roosevelt

A few weeks ago, I realised, that I had not forgotten to take my access card in to work even once in all the time I have been at my current workplace. Of course, the next day, I did forget, or so I thought, to take it in to work. It had actually slipped out of my hand bag under the car seat, but I did not know that until I had gone around all day sheepishly wearing a temporary visitor pass.

Last night, I was on my way to a meet up with some friends, and I thought of how, in the two and a bit years that I have had my beloved VW, I had not put a scratch on it. And sure enough, I scratched it slightly under the left bumper as I tried to park it.

Then, there is the big whammy. After a long time, I nearly lost myself in a huge eruption of anger last week. Only a couple of days after bragging about the beneficial effects of yoga on me, I nearly hit the roof. Bystanders tell me that though I was angry, I did state my case succinctly, and in a level manner, but inside I was boiling. The other person not giving up and trying to continue the fruitless conversation did nothing to help my cause (of maintaining my balance of temper). Since that day I have been rebuking myself for not handling the situation better. Possibly, I am not currently able to sit down, because I did kick myself in the pants a number of times.

Desperately needing to  to calm myself down, as well as continue on my journey, I have been repeating the Ho’oponopono: “I’m sorry. I love you. Please forgive me. Thank you.” After three days of so doing, I am now in a position to accept that I handled the situation very badly to begin with. Had I not had such a strong desire to prove myself right, and hence superior, I would not have said certain things. They were not necessary to say, and hence absolutely necessary not to say. My ego would have moved on very quickly to other things, but having said a number of things that did nothing to better the cause they were said in aid of, and momentarily satisfied my ego, I had to then justify myself when faced with the other person’s very strong reaction. This has then been followed by three days of meditating and berating myself. The meditating has been good, but the berating could have been completely avoided.

I now wish that when I next face this person, which will be very soon, I can maintain my newfound understanding, and behave in a manner worthy of love.

image credit: http://www.iwallhd.com/wallpaper/1600×900/bright-colorful-water-drop.html

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Peek a boo

So, what are the non physical, not so immediate benefits of yoga? We hear a lot about yoga being “much more” than simple stretching and strengthening exercises. Authors and gurus discourse in length about the eight limbs of yoga practice, about the union of mind, body and spirit. There is much discussion about the chakras, and the other esoteric results from regular, disciplined and long term practice of yoga. It can get a little frightening, there is so much to understand, and so much seems to be that blink of an eye away from comprehension. It can be overwhelming, and lead one to feel that one will probably never, ever, quite “get it”.

There is good news. The esoteric results of yoga just seep in unheralded, and stay on to become part of oneself unrecognised. One need not understand a single couplet of Patanjali in order to realise that one has become a little more in tune with oneself. That a part of oneself that one never believed possible has come to the forefront.

I can only speak from personal experience. I am still a novice in the practice of yoga, and I have more to learn than I can imagine about all aspects of yoga, yet I do see a difference in my reality. I cannot say I have become a better person, yet I have certainly become more aware.

Here is a peek. Those who believe that I am a calm person have no idea about the turbulence I have within me – the shortness of temper, the doubts, the cynicism. Yet, they are right. I still have my quicksilver temper, but I am more in control of it. When I say that it seems that I somehow work on myself, exercise self control and make myself become less angry. What I think happens is this. I get very angry. VERY ANGRY. Then, even as I burst out in a volcanic mess, I notice how angry I am. Very soon after that, I find I cannot maintain that level of excitement anymore. The cause for the anger is still here, my sentiments about the situation are still valid, and yet….. that strong feeling subsides, and I am in a much better place to present my case, or walk away, as required for desired results. Effortless shifting of gear.

Now that is a cool thing, is it not?

PS: There are people who do know how temperamental I am, as well 😛

Image credit: volcano: http://totallycoolpix.com/2011/01/the-shinmoedake-volcanic-eruption/

volcanic plain: http://home.iprimus.com.au/foo7/volcmap.html

First Impressions: The Circle Begins

Aside

After reading class 1 on my “learn meditation page” of choice, I decided to go ahead and incorporate the exercise in my own way.

Fresh from the resolve, and eager to get going, I hunkered down that night for my five minutes before bed. I looked at the time, set my intention for five minutes and settled down to the first of the first steps. Breathe in and out at least 7 times. I don’t really know how many times I actually did so, I was concentrating on breathing in the life force and love, and breathing out my frustrations and negativity. I noticed a slight tendency to hyper ventilate and adjusted my in breath to less long. Which then meant I had to shorten my out breath as I did not have enough air in me to breathe out. Sigh! Then, of course, there was the noise. The trucks rolling past on the highway, the last of the neighbours hunkering down for the nights, and finishing up in their kitchens, and a host of other noises that I normally do not notice.

Aha! I am supposed to notice them, and let them go, so I did. I did not think there was any reduction to the noise level, but my breath calmed down, and the tightness in my chest softened. And all of a sudden I thought, “That would be five minutes” and my eyes popped open. Feeling a little “hmm… need to learn a bit more”, I looked at the time, and what do you know? Exactly five minutes!  So I must be doing something right!

I had the heaviest, deepest sleep that night for a long time. My limbs felt heavy, and even in my sleep I was aware of a heaviness. Let us not forget the dreams! The dreams were vivid, and scary and adventurous. I had trouble waking up in the morning…

So my morning was rushed and chores grabbed me before I could settle down and meditate. But I got that bit done before that 7:20 am hit its mark and the need to madly rush out into the day manifested.

All through the day I felt removed. I had a standard 21st Century muddle of a day mixed with work, friends, family and chores, with its attendant pulls, pushes and drags.  But I did not feel like those things quite touched me. Not that I was unemotional, but it felt like the emotions were an outer part of me, and hence something that I observed and let go, rather than get gripped by them. It was a wonderful, liberating feeling.

I think I am going to love this. I think I am going to be able to carry this on.

Have you joined us on the Bodhi Circle yet?

PS: this morning, during the time I meditated, I did not notice any back ground noise at all. It was still. Quiet. Interesting. Time for Class 2.